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Do not panic! I do not decide the issue here. I'll share just a slice of my experience, my personal life. Point. Perhaps you will recognize you. But maybe not! :-)
Integrates and original
I met Dad (hereinafter called "the Dad " (!)) By Thomas at work. The Dad , therefore, worked mostly in his office, his head leaning on his computer screen. I remember smiling to see his approach bears!: Elbows tucked, head bowed, hands and feet moving simultaneously on the same side when walking: -0. When he smiled, he seemed to light up inside. It was a thrilling experience of transformation and ... lovely! :-) It was pretty bad character me and my colleagues do well not to antagonize them. Paradoxically, they liked her for her dedication and Computer Engineering: always ready to supp time, even on weekends!
Sigh! Simply being told that we should not do something that unfortunately, I do! So I found their feet entangled in spinning the company server which The Dad had just finished setting up after hours of work! Buuuuuzzz .... Ahhhh !!!!..... was the two noises heard within 5 seconds of my blunder , one from turning off the server, the other of my mind panicked! And the fateful question was launched: "Who did this ?????? " ... And this is our first contact ... :-)
As I was working regularly under contract or freelance, I often change the workplace. To facilitate my integration into my new temporary team, I like to throw my way devolved on one or one of the employees and make my challenge. My goal with The Dad ? Make him laugh once a day! :-). From a full-bodied coffee with a cigarette - something already passed since 9 years, I assure you! - A little smile to another, we become friends. I discovered, in its shell grumpy, a simple creature, who says what he thinks and believes what he says, whose values are very rare nowadays, with a great need for stability, and ability 'extraordinary commitment. Wow! It still exists, men like that? I told myself ... I spent three months there. We started when we attend the closing of our employer. We married a year and later I became pregnant almost immediately after my second child - the first of our marriage, my Lolo, both wanted pregnancy. And this was the beginning of the end ...
Hello Baby
From lovers transit The Dad was physically removed. Of course he was attentive! I do not know the number of McDonalds that it brought me at times inhuman, especially for France!, In order not debatable ME! We moved there in my 6 months of pregnancy for a new contract The work Papa . Throughout my pregnancy, there was little intimate relationships ... He did not touch me as if my contact aggression. Many fathers are responding, as I say! The woman and the man barely changed to find the woman in the mother, who is becoming more and more space. Arguing with my then 10 year old son, born from a previous relationship, such as increased small cock fighting. Then, Lolo was born. And the Dad narrowed further. The unplanned pregnancy of Thomas, one year later, put the final nail in the coffin of our marriage in the Dad causing a constant need emotionally difficult routine to follow or a way of reigning single and inflexible, as had shown him, and to exclude more and more of our life together. My loving husband and tender of the first year was quietly replaced by a good friend without tenderness or cuddly, or sexuality.
Our return to France has not improved our relationship. Lolo was then 2 1 / 2 years and 8 months Thomas.
We moved into our new house. Dad spent many, many times in the office, in front of it, sometimes 36hres a row, where I found him asleep, his head bent over his computer keyboard. Unable to sit one beside the other on the couch. He told me that "it hurt him, our 2 packages of bones that rub together" Our intimate relationships were limited to a few times a year, and seemed more obligatory than enjoyable for him. At the table, even the youngest (3 and 1 years) should not put your elbows on the table, because it was not done. Our discussions lead nowhere. But I was not married to divorce me! Sigh !.... I do not understand .... I did not understand more ... It was, or the tender and loving man? One with whom I spent a lot of time in bed, with whom I dreamed of a united family, upon whom I could count, which secured me? When my eldest son aged 14 then left my home to live with his biological father, I went to the threat of a lover and the proposal for a friendly cohabitation that we can bring together our Children, I board again and that a woman's life satisfaction. Nothing did. Result: 4 years after exchanging our vows, he is gone ...
And then I realized
Thomas was then 2 1 / 2 years. Within months, his life had been turned upside down (see previous text). His aggressiveness has increased and he began to self-harm. Meanwhile, my research to help my son have intensified. After a few years, I fell on Asperger Syndrome. EUREKA!! not only my son seemed to be a vacuum, his father had the exact profile of the adult aspirations that ignorant! That day is one of the greatest of my life so far ....
I do not know if The Dad thinks aspirations. For me, it is 100%. Impression confirmed by the team of specialists Tom. No, I do not mention him ... I do not know how to talk about ... And am not convinced that it is for me to do. But maybe he could help Thomas if one day he needs it? Finally ... This is another story! ;-)
Do I believe that the gene of Asperger Syndrome is actually transmitted from father to son? I have not the certainty, because without being a pure aspie, I also sprinkle personality traits. I am convinced that The Dad is a vacuum. This is a reality for me.
The
have known a few years ago would it change anything? YES! YES YES YES YES and YES! My expectations were different, as a friend, then as wife and mother. Would I have married? Honestly, I do not know. This n'esttoutefois not impossible. I'm not afraid of difference. I've never been afraid ... All this I could never verify, of course!. What matters now is that I know .... And it's so good and relaxing!
Photo: Dad and Lawrence (not pictured with Thomas) (Boulogne-Billancourt, France 2000)
